All Bottled Up
by Chica from San Diablo
Summary: rating might change later Jack Sparrow learns the hard way to be careful about what bottles to open...r&r, please! UPDATE: Ch.4
1. The Bottle

**All Bottled Up**

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**By: Chica from San Diablo**

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**Disclaimer:  **I do mot own any original _Pirates of the Caribbean _characters, places, things, etc.

**_Mädel from Heilige Engel's Note:  _**_I, in no way, shape, or form, had anything to do with this fic, and if you're sane, you won't read this tale from Chica's demented mind._

**Chapter One: The Bottle**

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CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow walked into an antique shop on the outskirts of Tortuga.  It was dusty and dark in the shop.  A small, skinny, old man with oval glasses and wiry gray hair was at the counter.

"Can I help you, sir?" the man asked.

"I'm just lookin'," said Jack.

"All right," said the old man.

*~*

Jack passed rows of dilapidated lamps, yellowed once white togas, stacks of dusty leather bound books, and scrolls, and even a glass box with a  scarlet and gold feather in it.

_Phoenix__ Feather_

_388 B.C.  _A sign in front of the case read.

Jack found at the back, a curtained section with a sign at the top of the curtain reading:

_Middle Eastern Goods_

*~*

Being curious, Jack went behind the curtain.  There were shelves filled with shatooshes, lungis, turbans, drawings of Chimæras, and at the very back, a tall, slender indigo glass bottle with rubies, diamonds, sapphires, emeralds, pearls, gold, and silver decorating it.  The top was a heart shaped piece of rose quartz on top of a cork.

*~*

Without thinking, Jack grabbed the bottle and went to the old man at the counter in the front of the shop.

"That's a genie bottle," said the old man.

"A what?" asked Jack.

 "A genie bottle.  You open the top, and a genie grants you three wishes, if you agree to set it free after your wishes are fulfilled," replied the old man.

"How much?" asked Jack, not believing the old man.

"Two shillings," the old man said.

Jack gave the old man the shillings and went back to the _Black Pearl.  _

*~*

In his quarters, Jack admired the beauty of the bottle for a moment or two before pulling the cork off the top.

**A/N: **So, what do you think of it so far?  Should I continue, or not?  Is there really a genie in the bottle?  

**_Mädel: _**_I think you need to finish _Silver and Gold_, although I hate what's going to happen to Jack. _

**Chica:  **I know, I know, but you can't ignore the plot bunnies.

**_Mädel:  _**_I know._

**Both: ****REVIEW! **


	2. Be Careful What You Wish For

**REVIEWS:  Chibi Hermione:  **Thanks.

**Chapter Two:  Be Careful What You Wish For…**

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_Jack pulled the top off the bottle…_

Pink and purple smoke curled out o f the bottle, filling Jack's quarters.  When the smoke dissipated, a young looking woman with brown hair with blond streaks in a braid, and pastel green eyes wearing a harem girl's outfit appeared.

"Thank you for freeing me, sahib.  You have no _idea _how cramped living in an empty wine bottle for over a thousand years is," she exclaimed.

"Are you a genie?" asked Jack.

"You bet your sweet bippy.  My name's Sundara," she said.

"What's a bippy?" asked Jack.

"Never you mind," said Sundara, "sign this."

She held out a piece of parchment and a quill pen.

"Why?" asked Jack.

"So you can have three wishes," said Sundara.

"And then you can be free?" asked Jack.

"Exactly," said Sundara.

This being an offer too good to refuse, Jack signed his name to the bottom of the parchment with a flourish.  The parchment and quill disappeared with a small poof after Jack signed.

*~*

"What's your first wish?" asked Sundara.

"Rum.  Lots of rum," said Jack.

"You have to say 'I wish…' and whatever you want to wish for," corrected Sundara.

"I wish for lots of rum," said Jack.

Sundara snapped her fingers and said, "Done."

*~*

After Jack had drank the five kegs of rum Sundara had conjured up, Jack decided to sleep.

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**A/N: **That's chapter two!  More will come soon.  It's not_ that_ bad, Mädel.  

**_Mädel: _**_Not, yet, but I know you, Chica.  It will become demented later._

**Chica: **Maybe, maybe not.  You'll just have to keep reading.

**Both: ****What are you reading this for? Review! **


	3. More Wishes

**Reviews:  Sherlock's Sparrow:  **Thanks.

**Lykosdracos:  **Isn't it, though?  I second both those comments.  What?  Pretty much.  Yep, Jack Sparrow the Drunkard.  Has a nice ring to it, eh?  

**Chapter Three: More Wishes**

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_Jack decided to sleep after he had drunk all five kegs of rum his genie had granted him__…___

The next day, Jack said to Sundara, "I wish I wasn't hung-over."

Sundara snapped her fingers and said, "Done.  You're on your last wish.  Be careful with it."

"All right, I'll think about it," said Jack, leaving his cabin.

*~*

Jack walked around Tortuga, thinking about what his last wish should be.

_Kill Norrington?  Nah, that's not big enough.  Make Mr. Cotton able to talk?  Nope.  Not even Jesus could do that.  See myself in twenty years?  No way.  I'd probably be dead by then, _Jack thought.

*~*

Jack decided to go to the Tavern of the Faithful Bride and have a few drinks.  Jack left the tavern two hours later with a lovely strumpet on each arm.

*~*

When Jack woke up the next morning, lying in a bed at an inn with the two strumpets, he still couldn't think of his third wish.

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Ten minutes later, the strumpets walked out of the inn, Jack rubbing his cheek.  _I know what to wish for now, _he thought.

*~*

After Jack got dressed, he ran to his ship and said, "I know what to wish for!"

"What is it, Sahib?" 

"I wish that I will never get slapped by a strumpet," Jack said.

Sundara snapped her fingers and said, "Done."

*~*

Jack went out and saw Scarlett.

"Scarlett," he cried, rushing up to her.

"Jack," she said, "I've been waiting for you."

Then, Giselle came over and said, "I love you, Jack!  I want to have your baby!"

"Back off Blondie, he's mine," snarled Scarlett.

"No, he's mine, Fashion Disaster," yelled Giselle.

Jack decided to let the two of them fight it out, and went back to the _Pearl__.  _

*~*

"I'm free," said Sundara, "and lucky you will be in my world."

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**A/N: **Well, there's chapter three!  Chapter four will be up soon. Hopefully.

**_M_****__****_del:  _**_I don't like the sound of what Sundara said._

**Chica: **Umm… review, is all I have to say. Ciao!****

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	4. A New Place

**Reviews: Lykosdracos:  **Yes, I'd say he was.  I agree, because then there would be no Jack to torture.  Yeah.  I never thought of that before…hmm…the possibilities…Thank you.  Actually, except for Jack's signature, there was nothing on that piece of parchment.  You'll see what it means.

**pIPPINpIRATE:  **No. Read chapter three to see his other wishes.   

**Chapter Four: A New Place**

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_"I'm free, and luck you will be in my world," said Sundara._

"Actually, everyone you know and love will be," she added.

"But, I haven't had time to enjoy my last wish," protested Jack.

"So?" asked Sundara, snapping her fingers.

Pink and purple smoke appeared and it knocked Jack out.

*~*

When Jack awoke, there was a loud buzzing in his ears.

_Stupid alarm clock, _he thought, groggily.  _Wait a minute, how'd I know what an alarm clock is?  We didn't have electricity before.  That's also a new word.  _Jack was very confused.

*~*

After shutting off the alarm clock, Jack studied his surroundings:  baby blue walls and ceiling, white door, closet door, dresser, desk, chair, and bookcase, navy blue curtains, and carpet.  On his walls were posters of pirate and xxx-rated movies.

*~*

Opening his closet, Jack put on a white t-shirt, a powder blue button down, khakis and his boots. (He still had his clothes from the 17th century) Passing the mirror above his dresser, he found that his hair was a lot shorter, he was clean shaven, and didn't have any kohl, beads, trinkets, or his bandana on. (Think Johnny Depp at the Oscars)  

Jack felt his face and his hair in disbelief.  _This can't be happening, _he thought.

"Jack, are you ready?  The bus will be here in ten minutes," called the voice of Governor Swann.

"Yeah, I'll be down in a minute," said Jack, grabbing his black book bag, and running down the stairs.

*~*

Anamaria was sitting at the kitchen table, eating a stack of pancakes.  Her long dark hair was in a low ponytail, and she was wearing a pale yellow tank top, matching mini skirt, white ankle socks, and white tennis shoes with pale yellow stripes.

"Took you long enough," she scorned, taking a sip of her orange juice. 

"I didn't ask for your two cents, Barbie," replied Jack.  _Wow, where'd thatcome from?_

"Children, that's quite enough.  Jack, sit down and find something to eat, you've got eight minutes before the bus comes.  Anamaria, finish your pancakes," said Governor Swann, with short balding gray hair, a navy blue sweater-vest over a white button down, black tie, tan slacks and brown loafers. 

"Where's mom?" asked Jack, picking an apple off the fruit bowl in the middle of the table.

"Her business trip started today, remember?" asked Governor Swann.

"Yea, thirteen seconds of brain failure," said Jack.

 "Obviously," muttered Anamaria.

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**A/N:  **Well, there's chapter four.  Where's Sundara, and everyone else? Find out in chapter five, coming soon. 

**_M_****__****_del:  _** _I told you it was going to get twisted._

**Chica:  **Shut up, Mädel.  Okay, go on, review!  


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